1. People Who Start Blogs About Things They Hate

    Who the hell do they think they are? Like anyone else really cares about the things they feel like moaning about. I met a homeless man once, we was telling me about the cardboard box which he spent most of his time in.

    While listening to this fascinating tale of boxy goodness, I politely stood there, looking him in the eye, and thinking about Megan Fox in a rather revealing outfit. I imagine you to be doing something similar right now, replacing ‘Megan Fox’ for your rather less-good-looking cousin, who you accidentally kissed that one summer when you weren’t really sure who you “were” yet.

  2. People Who Eat With Their Mouths Open

    I can’t believe I even have to say this, but I’m dumbfounded by the number of people who can’t resist smacking their lips together when they eat. Not only is it the most unattractive thing you could possibly do, it’s also the most annoying. Worse than nails on chalkboard. I would rather have an angry weasel with a deformed set of teeth chew on any part of my pale anatomy than sit beside you while you do this.

  3. Spam

    “Hello Sir/Madam, we are a professional link building company based in India looking to…”

    NO

  4. Instagram

    Newsflash: Taking a shit photo of something inane and/or irrelevant does not make you a photographic genius. Instagram is just an excuse for people to spam Twitter with mundane photos. If you do this, I hate you you more than I hate ethnic minorities who illegally immigrate and steal jobs from all the people who complain about how they don’t want a job. You may think that’s an ironic sort of hate, and you may well be right, but that’s hardly the point.

  5. Hot Food on Cold Plates

    Why? Why the fuck would you do it? You make yourself a delicious hot meal, cooked to perfection, and then you plonk it down on a stone cold plate… which immediately drains all the heat out of the food. Particularly with pasta and rice, this leaves you with a cold, soggy end to your meal. There are children in Nigeria cursing you every time you fail to finish the last dregs of your meal because of this. Children with NO PARENTS.